Sarah McBride
U.S. Representative for the State of Delaware and LGBTQAI+ activist
Jacob Tobia
LGBTQ+ rights activist, actor, and writer
Jacob Tobia Explains the History of the Word ‘Genderqueer’ | InQueery | them.
Photo Credit: Blake Jacobsen
Jacob Tobia (they/them) is a gender nonconforming thought leader, author of the bestselling memoir Sissy, and producer. Their new book, Before They Were Men, takes a paradigm-shifting look at how we see and talk about men. In their keynotes and on-stage conversations, Tobia shares comical but deeply personal and candid stories from their coming-to-gender journey while proving gender is limitless.
-
About Jacob Tobia
Growing up in North Carolina, Jacob Tobia knew they were different. They loved going into the woods, playing with bugs, having sword fights, and all the other “masculine” activities. But as a creative, glitter-obsessed child, they also loved playing with Barbies, dressing up in a tutu, and dancing around the house—activities often associated with being “feminine.” Tobia wanted it all—they have too much gender and refuse to squeeze into either of the socially constructed binary genders. Now, in their entertaining, hilarious, and often emotional and relatable talks, Tobia speaks about rethinking society’s harmful gender norms and urges us to embrace gender in a more expansive and complicated way.
Jacob Tobia documents their heart-wrenching, eye-opening, and giggle-inducing journey in their bestselling memoir, Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story. Reclaiming the word “sissy,” a term that they were teased with growing up, Tobia provides a funny but powerful account of overcoming the shame that was placed on them by the world for just being who they were and learning how to own their gender.
Their new book, Before They Were Men: Essays on Manhood, Compassion, and What Went Wrong, explores the heated conversation around masculinity, patriarchy, and misogyny, and comes to a shocking conclusion: emotionally and spiritually speaking, men and boys are the ones suffering the most under the gender binary right now. In a series of essays, they explore upspoken body issues, glorified violence, and counterproductive terms like “toxic masculinity,” grappling with the myriad failures of feminist discourse, and ultimately calling everyone back to the table.
As an actor, writer, and producer, Jacob Tobia created, produced, and hosted Queer 2.0, an original LGBTQ+ NBC News series that takes a deeper dive into explaining what it means to be queer, appeared on MTV’s long-running show True Life: I’m Genderqueer, voiced the nonbinary character Double Trouble in the Netflix animated series She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. Their work has been featured in The New York Times, Teen Vogue, and TIME, among other outlets.
Jacob Tobia is a Truman Scholar, Point Foundation Scholar, Coca-Cola Scholar, and member of both the Forbes 30 Under 30 and the OUT 100. They graduated from Duke University, where they successfully lobbied for full inclusion of gender-neutral housing and restrooms, pushed for comprehensive health care coverage for transgender students, mobilized the community against anti-LGBTQAI+ ballot initiatives in North Carolina, and worked for socially responsible investing of Duke’s vast endowment. Tobia also worked with the Human Rights Campaign and the United Nations Foundation before their television career.
-
Speaking Topics
Unpacking Professionalism, Finding Joy: An Exploration of Gender Freedom in the Workplace
Through steering the conversation away from avoiding gender discrimination and toward creating gender freedom, Jacob Tobia upends the traditional narrative about workplace equality and leaves audience members with gut-level confidence that they have what it takes. Funny, entertaining and most importantly, engaging, Tobia redirects the conversation away from what we’re afraid of or anxious about to focus on what we’re excited for, what we love, and what we hope to accomplish in building a trans-inclusive workplace.
Reclaiming What They Stole: Reflections on Gender and Self
Who were you before you learned what it meant to “be a girl” or “act like a boy”? How did you navigate life before you were told who to be? What parts of yourself did you have to get rid of, kill off, or extinguish in the name of “fitting in” with gender? The reality is that, on some level or another, we are all gender nonconforming. In this wide-ranging talk, Jacob Tobia invites audience members across the gender spectrum to reflect on how gender policing and gender-based trauma shows up in their lives, then poses the ultimate question: given that a binary system of gender hurts us all, shouldn’t we just get rid of it? How can we embrace all parts of who we are, regardless of gender stereotypes and what others tell us? What would it mean to live in a world where our understanding of gender is every bit as expansive and shimmering as we are?
Rethinking Masculinity at Work and Beyond
For decades, the conversation around gender at work has centered the female experience—a necessary, but limiting dialogue. But now, the conversation around masculinity, patriarchy, and misogyny has never been so heated or so prominent—and a new generation of men is feeling increasingly angry and misunderstood.
After a gender-defying lifetime spent fleeing manhood and masculinity, Tobia now asks: “What happens if we stop understanding men as categorical beneficiaries of patriarchal institutions and start understanding them for what they are—co-survivors of the gender binary itself?”
In this surprising and counterintuitive talk, Tobia touches on how conventional masculinity affects mental health, the case for rethinking, and ultimately retiring, counterproductive terms like “toxic masculinity” and “male privilege,” and their practical strategies for cultivating empathy across all genders in the workplace. -
Video
-
Praise for Jacob Tobia
Jacob did a phenomenal job connecting with attendees ranging from curious high school students to seasoned community activists. They engagingly highlighted the lessons Sissy offers for this pivotal historical moment. Following the event, attendees gushed that they were walking away reenergized in their commitments to equity and justice. Though our campus hosts many internationally-known leaders, some students shared that Jacob’s talk was the best they have attended at Stanford!
— Stanford UniversityJacob does an amazing job not only educating, but inspiring. They make the journey fun, exciting, and inclusive while boldly educating your workforce. After two years my senior leaders are still talking about it today.
— Hannah Danger, Comcast NBCUniversal, DEI & LGBTQ ERG LeadJacob’s presentation was sensational! Thoughtful and sincere, Jacob was able to share their story with our staff in a way that was both unique and relatable. Hearing perspectives like theirs are what push us to make better content.
— Fé Ley, DreamworksJacob Tobia was an amazing speaker we had during our 2022 Pride Month events. We had them come for a Book Talk and Reading. From the meeting beforehand to the day of the event Jacob’s communication specifically was amazing! Our staff had such great feedback on the event (specifically how light and easy the format was) and wanted more similar events. It was the most attended event thus far for our ERG! We highly recommend them and look forward to having them back in the future.
— Keith Sherman, FreshPride ERG Chair, HelloFresh USPraise for Sissy
[Tobia] combines incisive wit and undeniable intelligence to invite readers into their personal journey as a gender-nonconforming young person in North Carolina. . . It is in Tobia’s often self-deprecating humor that Sissy is most transformative, and where it most departs from other trans memoirs. The seriousness of the topic never feels glossed over, which allows for an organic and seamless journey from tears on one page to laughing aloud on the next. If Tobia aspires to the ranks of comic memoirists like David Sedaris and Mindy Kaling, Sissy succeeds.
— New York Times Book ReviewWhen the political reality facing this country seems dark, we need shinier, sparklier thinkers in the public eye. With a signature style matched only by their wit, Jacob fits that bill perfectly.
— Alan CummingJacob Tobia is a force. . . . Their voice is unique and inspirational.
— Good Morning AmericaTobia sashays away from all the expectations and trappings of what it means to be a man or woman, and calls for us to embrace the fluidity of identity.
— O, The Oprah MagazineIn Sissy, Tobia adds a necessary voice to our national conversation about gender and acceptance.
— TIME -
Books by Jacob Tobia
-
Media About Jacob Tobia
Request Fees
and Availability
- 212 572-2013
Featured Title
Before They Were Men
“A reckoning, a manifesto, a wellspring of curiosity, and an invitation to consider better ways of imagining masculinity.”—Amanda Montell, New York Times bestselling author of The Age of Magical Overthinking, Cultish, and Wordslut
Similar Speakers
Garrard Conley
Author of the bestselling memoir Boy Erased
Jennifer Finney Boylan
Author of the bestselling memoir She's Not There, President of PEN America, and celebrated LGBTQ activist